Fat Lady tired of singing--can you help?

They say when you turn 30 things start to change (who are "they" anyway, and why do "they": seem to have so much sway over all of us????). On my 30th birthday and shortly there after, I didn't really believe the notion 'that things would change' to be true. But then things started to change---grey hair, wrinkles, using large ammounts of Oil of Olay, having to be in bed and sleeping by 10PM, an overwhelming dislike of teenagers, and a little more of me to love. That's what brings me here today, the fact that this fat lady is tired of singing. I'm an emotional eater, and weight has always been an issue with me.

I go by the moniker East of Eden (to protect the innocet you know), I'm a 33 year old burned out high school teacher, turned Haus-frau living in Northern New Mexico. My chubby secrets read like a really sad novel. But none of you are allowed to feel sorry for me, I do that enough on my own. (It's my party, I can cry if I want to!!)

A little over two years ago--almost three years really, I picked up my teaching hat again, and began a job teaching history to 10th and 11th graders at what I like to call "Satan's High School." I kid you not, it was that bad. Normally when I teach I would loose weight. Not this time around. I found myself coming home from horrible days with the legions of the devil and putting anything in my mouth for comfort. The day I was reaching for a big spoon and the jar of mayonaise (well maybe not that, but you get the picture) I stopped myself and had a major revelation about myself. It was then and there that I knew I was an emotional eater and I had to do something. Despite my new found knowledge, I did not have the actual desire to DO anything about the junk in my trunk. And I kept on loading the junk in.

Fast forward to a little under two years ago, the summer of 2005. I'd quit my job teaching with the hopes that me and the Spouse could try and start our family. I found myself pregnant and then loosing two prenancies in the space of about five months. (that was the part you're not supposed to feel sorry for me). If I thought teaching with the spawn of Satan was bad, being thrust into the deep dark hell that is pregnancy loss, post-partum depression and grief was much worse. For most of 2006 I found myself wandering aimlessly in a fog of misery and tins of Danish Butter Cookies as I healed from these experiences. As this last holiday approached I wondered how I was doing, deep down inside and I could feel the fog lifting. For the first time in a long time I felt like myself again, and I had the desire to DO something.

Aside from the junk in my trunk, I have ever higher blood pressure. I know the dangers of high blood pressure from family experience, and from watching way too many Discovery Channel specials on the subject. I also know that being overweight while pregnant brings many health problems and challenges, that I just don't have the constitution to deal with. So as you can see, my reasons for wanting to lose weight are many.

So what am I doing?

This week my Weight Watchers home kit came in the mail. It's great, with an explanation of how both of their programs work, cookbooks, meal plans, points calculator and excercies DVD. Whoooo-who! I'm still plowing thru all of it, but so far, I've decided to go with the "Flex-plan". How that works is I get a set number of food points each day. When I eat I lose points, but when I excercise I gain points. I'm trying to figure out an excercise plan I can do indoors in the winter that won't kill me. (Our town didn't get the memo on global warming this year--it's stinkin' cold!!) I'm exited to count points--look at me I've become a bean counter!! I don't have to buy weird food on WW or eat tofu--which would kill me, or weird things from the rain forest; and I can eat out, if we happen to be out. I know myself well enough that with this plan I can re-gain control of my self and reign in my bad habits. Re-direction of behavior is what I'm about now. I also know that thru lots of prayer, serious contemplation and help from you all, my Husband and God, I can reign in my bad habits and emotions and get my body back.

Now if you think I'm actually going to say how big of a lard I am, you need mental help....haha...maybe I do too! I will say this, my goal is to loose 10% of my body weight by the end of March. After that I will re-evaluate my life, look for me on Dr. Phil--ha! The ultimate goal is to fit back into my size 14 clothes, I actually don't care how much I weigh, but if I can fit into that closet of cute clothes I will be a happy camper.