Just Saying No

I wasinvited to a small lunch yesterday. It was all good till they brought out the ice cream and mini-eclairs.

Anyway....I think it's easier to socialize in big groups that way no one notices if you don't eat something and thus feelings are spared that you are opting out of dessert.

How do you say No when there are only 4 people at the party and you don't want to hurt anyone's feelings?

Ah well, more excercise then and better choices today I suppose.

Arizona Girls Don't Winter Well: Week 3

Oh, last week was hard. Very hard.

There was a "cream cheese frosting" incident on Sunday which left me with a huge stomach ache and absolutely not wanting anything sweet for a long while. Perhaps that is a good thing.

Needless to say, I gained some weight last week. However, I was really good yesterday and came in under points. WW always says to eat all of your points every day. I disagree. If you are at the end of the day with left over points, and are full and satisfied, why keep eating? Wouldn't that be the better option?

That in combination with doing a longer exercise session helped me lose the pounds I gained. If I can keep this up for the week, I will crack back into the 190s and be even closer to my end goal. I am hoping for that.

The best thing would be for the world to melt, January to be over and the spring to be on it's way. The Arizona girl does not winter well.

Standing at the Base of the Mountian of Self Improvement

New Year, new me. Right?

It's funny. Only last week it was December, and I was lolling around eating butter and mayo out of the containers. No, no I was not. However, I was having a healthy relationship with cheese and crackers. Curse you Town House crackers!

Anyway, that's all done now. I'm mending my wicked ways.

Everything is ready to go. I have my notebooks for tracking my food points all set up. I have healthy snacks in the fridge. I have healthy meals planned for the week. I have opened up and have read thru all of my Weight Watchers literature, cook books and etc.

So here is where I stand. I am 20#s less than when I started in 2007. YAY! I am still 20#s heavier than my pre-pregnancy weight. Boo! My 10% weigh loss goal just happens to be that 20#s. YAY! So, if I can keep my motivation up and my drive, I think I can get rid of that 20#s, make that 10% in a reasonable amount of time.

My hurdles are these: my mental state. That's a given. Last year I had no motivation to track points, to do anything productive. Let's face it though, with an newborn I was lucky to not lose my mind on a daily basis, which happened more often than I wanted. I'm just sayin'.

Granted I did not eat like a pig nor was I gluttonish in anyway, but I did flirt with chocolate way too much. Lindt Intense Orange bars to be exact. Well, we broke up, me Lindt, cheese, crackers all of it. There is none of it in the house. Not even my secret bean jar chocolate stash has chocolate in it at present. That's progress people, progress.

My second goal is to lose a jean size. If and when I do that, I will be in my pre-pregnancy clothes. Which there are many of, and cute ones too.

My third goal, and this will be a result of the other two coming to pass, is that my blood pressure will go back down into the acceptable range. Right now I am right on the border of moderately high and normal. I know with lifestyle changes it will fall again, and the doctor will get off my back.

At present my issues are these: it is cold and that means my normal outside walk has been sidelines. We can go out if the temp is above 40* without giving my son frost bite. Under that it's too cold. I am hoping for a "warm" day (I realize that is totally a relative term but it's what we have to work with here!). If not, it's DVD time. Not that Leslie Sanson is bad. She's not. She and Denise Austin are totally great and motivating. It's just that they are DVDs, and that is my least favorite way to exercise.

There is is, the whole, nekkid truth of where I stand at the base of the mountain of self improvement. Ready or not 2010 here we go.

Traking, addictions and recovery.

We've been back from our vacation for over a week, and I'm only now starting to feel human again.

Anyway, I gained two pounds while we were away. My MIL has a knack of making us all eat...we're all too skinny you know.

And today I'm tracking points again. I will be writing my food down and staying with in my points goal. I've got to get serious again about this, I just have to.

I also made a scary discovery about myself. I think I am seriously addicted to sugar. There was a day last week that was particularly crazy. I felt like the only way I'd get thru it was with sugar. Sadly, I answered that clarion call, and did feel better, and I was putting a mini-donut into my yap. Oh, my.

I need to think about how to deal with that. It never occurred to me that I might have addiction issues with sugar. I guess I surprise myself now and again.

But, despite that, I'm going to try and make it a good week.

Mid August.

Another Monday, yet another week has past...

I weighed in this morning at 207#s. I don't know what I did last week, because I felt like a total slacker about most things. I even had a candy bar and a salami sandwich one day. However I'm not going to complain.

The weather has been really nice as well. We did managed to get out all except 2 days last week. One day it was raining and the other was the aftermath of an all night scream fest. Come to find out the baby has and ear infection. Everything is making sense, as far as his behavior goes. After being up all night we both slept till quite late in the morning and by the time we both were up and fed, it was lunch time.

Anyway....I feel good about the recent loss of pounds even if it only was 5 pounds. Somehow my goal of reaching 190, my prepregnancy weight seems much more attainable at 207 than at 213.

I've also connected with what seems to be a nice person on twitter. His or her name is "tweet my points". She says she needs new chicken recipes...I can totally help with that. Must delve into the blog archives and repost some of my favorites from the WW cookbooks.

Gazpacho, shoes and some more resolve

A few words then I must go...

I discovered gazpacho this week, and I love it. Summer in a bowl, I will post the recipe I made from 2 other recipies later on.

New shoes came and they are great, except they are glaring white! It made me think of the time I was in Munich in 1991. Hi-top Reebox were all the rage. Me and my American friends were standing in front of the Glockenspeil and some German teenagers cam up to us on a scavenger hunt. We asked them how they knew were were Americans. "You have on white shoes of course!" Oh, of course!

In other news, I'm down to 209#s. Thru no efforts of my own however. I've been sick the latter half of last week, and I tend to not eat when I'm not feeling good. Hence the weight loss. However, I am not complaining. I just need to make sure I don't sabotage myself.

But again, my resolve is to not go down the treat isle at the grocery store at all. If I just avoid it, I won't be tempted. And truth be told, when I am sick, treats have no taste and therefore are totally unwanted.

So here's to another week...

Soylent Green is People, or So They Say.

So, this morning I got out the food journal, and wrote down what I ate. I'm going to do it this week. Last week I walked everyday but Sunday, one thing at a time.

I also think my scale has multiple personalities. I weighed in yesterday at 210#s, this morning 212#s. I doubt I gained 2 pounds in a day, I didn't eat much yesterday, and what I did eat was healthy and in proportion. I think it might have to do with where I stand on it. We have old creaky floors that buckle, I should probably weigh myself downstairs on the tile floor.

Anyway...

In my quest to wean myself off of treats and sweets right now, I've been saving the baby food containers from Baby's meals. Gerber comes in little plastic tubs now. They are about 4oz volume, and perfect for making single serve sugar free jello in. Seriously, it's so much less expensive to make my own jello cups rather than buy them premade. I also allow myself a small squirt of spray-cream....a girl can't give up everything. Sugar free jello will be my new secret lover....or somesuch.

I'm also going to try and update here more than once a week. I've got to chronicle my love/hate relationship with food. As I said on my regular blog, "love it, hate it, gotta have it, Soylent Green is people!"

What's Been Going On

Now that life has settled down a bit...

Last week we had the nice folks from Re-Bath in to redo our small bathroom. It took Bob the Bathroom guy 2 1/2 days to finish it all. So for 3 days we had to wash off in the sink, which is fine if you are the baby and can fit in the sink, but not so much when you are Mom and Dad and have to sponge off over the sink. Needless to say I was not able to go out and exercises at all. I had to be in the house when he was here. I also was not interested in getting all hot and gross with no shower facilities. And there was no way in he** I was going to do a video with a stranger in my house....nope, nope, nope. I won't even do a video if my husband is in the room, which is silly when you think about it....we're married and we do the things married people do, he's seen me have a baby and all that's involved there, there is nothing sacred left there.

Oh, and my eating was out of control too. The stress of it all was maddening. Penutbutter-Nutella graham crackers really helped it.

I'm not making excuses, but I did have several revelations about it all. I really need to get back to writing down what I eat in my food journal. I know that when I do that I have success....I know it! Also, I know the reason for that is because I don't eat junk, or too much of a good thing even. I just find that having a baby though, is teaching me about my weaknesses, and things that were once absolutely important have fallen by the wayside, not because I wanted them to, or that I don't care as much, but I find that many things that I used to do fine with are now overwhelming to me.

It also doesn't help that it's summer and there is no way that I am turning on an oven or even the stove most days. If I can't cook it in the crock pot, I'm not cooking it. I've been trying to modify many of my WW recipes to cook in there....so far, I don't know...

Anyway...that's what's been going on the last few weeks. Hovering at 213#s and wishing I could break thru this. However, to end on a positive note, I have been out walking every day since Bob finished the bathroom. Living in the mountains has it's advantages, but one of the disadvantages is that we have a short summer and an early winter. I only have so many days that I can go out and walk outside. I'm going to take advantage of those days, so far, I'm good.

Family weekend, and a revelation

We were gone over the 4th weekend. Why does a weekend with my family always turn into diet disaster? I'll tell you why: BACON!

As you know bacon is the fairy dust of food. It makes everything it touches better. Oh, and there was the birthday cake and ice cream, and Dad's spaghetti, and a cook out, and, and, and, and the French truffles my brother gave me for my birthday -- oh for all that is good and holy, keep those awaaay from me in the future.

I had a revelation last night. We've been doing this Nielson TV ratings survey over the last week. We're supposed to write down everything we watch on TV (and here is where I have to say it will be an easy calculation for us: Food Network or Fox News, and Office re-runs. Seriously, that's our TV viewing...really exciting!). I was really good about it, bordering on obsessive. Then it hit me, just like I shoulda had a V-8. Why am I not doing that with my food diary??!! Charting what I eat is WAY more important than what I'm watching on TV!!

I really need to get back into this. Great thing my bathroom is being torn up next week, so I'll have nothing else to concentrate on, or anything!

Anyway, I find that I am constantly recommitting to this, without much success. I need to find something that will make my re commitments stick so that the pounds won't.

The Good, the Bad and the Way It Was.

As the old TV theme went: "You take the good, you take the bad, you take them both and there you have the facts of life." And the facts were these, I gained 3 pounds this last week. I have no idea how, other than I just did.

And here is the real truth, I find that I have no motivation to do anything. It's so frustrating to want to do the right thing, but then not. I supposed I shouldn't snivel here, but that's what it is.

Today, I got out and walked the long walk, ate soup for lunch with no crackers or bread of any kind and I'm going to only eat fruit if I get hungry later on.

I hope it will be a better week.

A Donut Justification

I've gained 4 lbs in a month....so it's back to tracking today. I hated to have to do it, but I guess when the scale creeps back up, it's time to get back in the front seat of the wagon instead of dragging my feet off the back.

Despite this, I stopped for a donut today at our local bakery. I was walking home from the auto mechanic. I took the bus (yes, there is a bus in our small town) part way and walked the final leg. The bakery was on the way. I was hungry and had not eaten yet. I supposed I could have eaten before I left home, but this daylight savings time switch is messing up my clock. However I am going to go out and do my regualr walk today, so there you go...a donut justification.

Back to the countdown...I hope!

Nipping it in the Bud

I just realized I didn't post last week. It's ok, it has been an unremarkable fortnight. I've seen my scale numbers slowly creep up and some old (read: lazy) habits creep back in. I know I've got to just nip it in the bud.

Start nipping people.

I need to figure out a way to get my brain to listen to my body signals. I know when I'm full, but why do I keep eating? I know I'm not hungry, so why do I seek out a a snack?

I tell you, after a year of WW you think I would have mastered these things by now, but it looks like I haven't.

Week 2.4

Week 2.4 brought us nothing, but static....at least I didn't gain weight on the homefront (see the previous post on the Sour Cream Racket). I found myself able to manage my portions and what I ate at my parents house quite nicely, despite the growing enchalada conspiricy in the fridge.

Last week was also the one year mark of being on WW, meaning I started the program last year at this time. I can't believe what a year it's been. Those first weeks were so hard. Breaking habits, making news ones and really learing about my relationship with food were hard. I will say this, I do miss the resolve I had back then. I was in top mental form, now I'm just not. I think my brain turned to butter, or sour cream. :)

So, on with the countdown, I hope week 5 is good!

It's a Whopper

Week 2 results....

Better than expected, but they could have been better all around. It didn't help that Friday I pretty much made out with a box of whoppers candy. I got them to have at the movies, but made the grave mistake of opening them before we went. They were so chocolatey and malty and good and before I knew it most of the box was gone.

What do we learn from this? I need some one to dish the candy to me, and then I also need to just give myself a serving then leave it alone.

So week three, is here, and I need to really concentrate on my goals and exercise so that next week when I have to go back to Phoenix to help my mom I'll be in a good place. Becuase going home is always a diet killer for me, although, since my mom will be convalescing, and I'll be in charge of all things domestic (and I will be throwing out any and all leftover holiday stuff in the fridge) I should be ok.

My Weight Loss is like a Third Order Polynomial

Well, I've come to the end of my 3rd WW food journal. I can say, it's been a very interesting 36 weeks or so.....

But instead of buying another book to track things in, my husband created a form for me on the computer to track things on. I've printed it out so I can keep in down stairs by the fridge. He also created a chart of my weight loss and made it all fancy-schmancy with graphics and whatnot. He said my weight loss resembled a thrid order polynomial, whatever that is -- doesn't he remember that I failed all math in high school and that the last math class I took was in 1993 at junior college, and even then I took just enough math to graduate? Ya, there is a reason I was a history teacher, not a math teacher, but I digres.

I've made a new goal for myself -- I want to loose 5% of my current body weight, which is 9 pounds, by Christmas. After Christmas, I think I will re-evaluate where I'm at and decide if I want to continue on with WW.

At anyrate, I think the new habits that I've made while on WW will stick with me. I didn't track my food at all last week and I managed to come out ok. I also found myself stopping eating when I felt full, taking right portion sizes at meals and reaching for healthy snacks when I needed a snack.

I think all is well in weight loss land. If I can make it thru October with out overdosing on Three Muskateers Mint Minis then I should be ok.

If only Thursday would come

Some days I think WW is going to kill me!

Last night, in fact all of yesterday, I was craving something sweet and chocolaty. I sorta fixed that by eating 2T of shredded coconut, which is only 1 point. Anyway. Then at dinner we had soup. I wanted to much to reach over and toast some bread--but again, too many points to waste. Then there is my thing with carbs, even complex-carbs sink me if I'm not careful.

I just kept telling myself if I could get to Thursday all of my troubles would be gone. Thursday is farmer's market day here and I allow myself 2 scones. I usually get ginger-peach, because ginger is the best flavor ever! The scones are nice and flakey too, so I really relish my once a week treat! Sure, it totally blows my points, but it's only once a week, and I excercise a bit more to make up for it.

Thank goodness Thursday is here, I don't think I could do another Wednesday like that again and not go get some candy!

Ladies who Lunch

This week, was better than I thought it would be. I managed to knock off another pound. It was not as much as I'd hoped for, but considering I went out to lunch and was injured, I think it was ok.

As for going out to lunch...normally I don't do this. First, I don't like most of the places here in town. Second, Los Alamos is a lunch town. Most of the Lab workforce makes the daily exodus over into town to lunch in the eateries here, so it's too crowded. Resolved, unless it's a place I really like -- Quiznos, or the Pyramid, I'm going to say no to lunching-out. If I'm going to blow my points for the day, I'm going to make it worth while. The place we went to on Tuesday, did not fill that. However, I will blow some points on a Sonic Fat-Free Peach Smoothie this week, and they only serve peach in September and we're almost out of September!

And on the excercise front. I need new shoes again! I go thru them so fast because I use them so much. Oh well. I can't have achy feet, popping knees and a place on the sideline. I know myself well enough to know that I have to excercise to make the weight loss work. I can't do it by diet alone.

So, back to the daily grind of my life....

Busted!

Plateau....BUSTED!!

Halleluja! I lost 3.5 pounds last week. How did I do this? I just went back to plan basics....totally works every time. Why can I not just get this into my head and remember it and live it, and love it and call it my own? I don't know, I think it's all the global warming, or something.

So, I just decided to eat as much plant matter as I could last week. I tried to fill up at least half of my plate with fruit or veg. Also it helped that I made my afternoon snack later in the afternoon and made it a nectarine and grapes (or a similar fruit combination). I do love my carbs however, so I did measure out rice and potatoes when we had them for dinner. I'm very thankful that my husband is understanding when I bring all the measuring cups to the table. Oh, and no treats--at all.

The no treats thing is the hardest for me too. I grew up in a treat-o-holic family--we always bought a treat at the store, there was always a cookie in the cookie jar and so on at my house. I carried this habit into my adult life too. This more than any habit has been the hardest to break. I did find though, on the days when I needed a sweet fix, the CocoaVia bars were life savers. Only one point, and oh so chocolaty! Hmmm.

So this week, I'm going to do more of the same--plan basics, and try and get down 2-3 more pounds. If I can keep this up, I should exceed my stated weight goal, and surpass it by the end of the year. If I can get back into my wedding dress it will be a Merry Christmas!

Plateau Bustin'

This is the third week I've weighed the same at my weigh in. I manage to go up and down all week, but when it's time to record my progress I am the same. I don't get it.

Well I do get it. I've not been into WW as much as I should be, or as much as I was. It is much easier to just eat and not think about things, but that's what got me Chicken Fat to begin with. And the funny thing is this, I have overeaten alot lately, and my body is screaming at me--"HEY DUMB *** WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME?" And then my body says, "I will get her back, release the gall bladder!" And then zing, I have the raging last days of Pompeii in my stomach. I deserve it though, I really do. However, I will say that I am starting to like baking-soda cocktails, my antacid of choice.

I have managed to rid my house of most of the things that tempt me, but I will say this, I love my rice and potatoes. Some days that is what I crave--just rice with some butter and salt or a potatoe with butter and salt. I know these are higher point foods and there are things I could eat with more nutritional value, but I wonder if my cravings are because that's what my body needs or if it's just what my mind and tastebuds want. I love my complex-beige carbohydrates.

I will say this though, I will never stop excercising. I love walking everyday, and it's really good to clear my mind out. I won't stop with that even if I fail at WW. So, I'm going to think about plaeu busting this week. I really need to. I'm at my last big hill--so to speak, and so close to my goal weight! I will say this however, I have netted some good results. My blood pressure is down 12 points and I could not be happier (it's as close to normal as I will ever get--haha). I will not get the lecture this year when I take my physical, and if the NP tells me I am too fat, I will tell her, at least I am in the best shape of my life--so there--sticks tounge out and blows a raspberry!

Keeping deamons in check.

I don't think you ever really break a bad habit. I think you just learn how to cope with them and keep them under control. With that said, I've felt like I've been batteling my bad habits for my life the last few days. I don't know why. I don't think that today has been all that bad, but it hasn't been great either. Scarlett O'Hara once said, "Tomorrow is another day!", but I think I use that excuse too much. I need to tell myself that while tomorrow is another day, you are living in today and will have to deal with today's choices tomorrow, so it's best to just leave today where it's at, the here and now.

I've also been thinking about a conversation I had with a very good friend the other night. We had, had a girls dinner party at her house and I was the last one to leave. She and I began to talk about my weigh loss and about some of the others in our group who were all on WW. As she was asking me how I was doing on my program she saked me how I had, had to change my life.

The changes have come in many ways. For one thing, I had to confront my food demonds and figure out why I was eating all the time. I think I was and am like that is because I feel like there is not much to do with my life. I know today I have felt pretty useless and have therefore been so tempted to eat all day. I've fallen a bit, but withheld as well. I gave in to the PBJ craving and skipped the ramen noodles.

It's a constant battle, here's to keeping the demon in check for another 24 hours.